Anonymous
When I sit here all alone
And there’s darkness all around,
I wonder if the hurt inside
Will ever make a sound.
When the silence has enveloped me
And tears glisten in my eyes,
I wonder if anyone will care
And hear those stifled cries.
When I’m lost in this confusion
And drowning in the sea,
I wonder for how long the child inside
Will keep longing to be free.
When life’s become an abstract game
Where winning or losing is part of the trend,
I wonder for how long we’ll actually lose
And pretend to win in the end!!
A Short story: A FROZEN SECOND
I never thought it was going to be similar to a car crash. It is happening right in front of me. I am skidding towards an emotional impact.
The door of lift opens and she steps inside it, and she turns around, asks me also to step in. I am still lost, still can’t believe it, still looking at the injuries. I enter inside the lift telling to myself that I would be able to forget this incident and would be out of it very soon. Now the question is how soon is very soon? After the door closed, I felt like the last person on earth.
I did not talk to her for approximately one month, whenever I used to see her, I used to ignore her, she knew it but she continued to give me smile. Whenever I used to look into her eyes I got this message that “No matter how much you ignore me, I will continue to be nice to you”. I don’t know why I was doing this? May be I was feeling guilty of coming into her life and giving her so much pain. Then I realized I was not the only one sitting the car when this car crashed. She was also with me. She also got injured and suffered with me.
The age-old question, what is love?
To think about her with someone else was like all the oxygen had been sucked from the room. After that incident I just couldn’t sleep anymore. I tried everything. To reading meaningful books at 2 AM to watching old flicks whole night, to calling up my friends at night while they were sleeping and asking them to talk to me, everything. I had become immune to sleep. I suddenly realized that I had 8 extra hours to live in life everyday. I wanted my time to pass quickly but it did not happen, instead I was force to witness the cruel tricks of events. Now I had more time with me, more time to think about her.
It was 2nd day without sleep. Those extra 8 hours were difficult to pass by.
Crush
It’s funny how the same word for the feeling of attraction can be used for the feeling of disappointment. There was a place I used to always go. It was behind my school. It was close enough to hear the screams and shouts of kids playing but at the same time it felt hidden away from them. I used to also go there on Saturday. The familiar building with an unfamiliar quietness, peaceful as if time has frozen still. There I saw my school time love with another guy. It was the first time my heart felt the other meaning of crush.
I often wonder how it would feel like to spend rest of my life with the world on pause. I feel safe, untouchable with no one to hurt me.
i wish i could write rhymable poetry that makes sense …
how long .. will you actually lose .. and pretend to win .. depends on when you decide to start being honest.
and honesty can hurt. a lot. but it is better than the alternative.
Hmmm… I like!
Finally. But your first post is very threatening
Thanx Tanmay…..u finally found the link!!!!
..bout my first post being threatening…ummm…I don’t know..maybe I just felt threatened n it reflected in my writing..
Sahikehtihoon; Thanx for the comment…I agree ..we need to start being honest with ourselves if we don’t want to pretend…honesty would stop hurting if we learnt to surrender to it and accept it. Till the time we deny it, its bound to cause the pain..
hey sri…..was really touched by your words. If only we all could take some time out to find our real pursuits of happiness….we have started living in a make believe world where the happiness has become an entity to be achieved/conqured rather than being a state of being……
You don’t need to feel threatened.
Its a good start. Great, actually!
4 years later…
I wake up, I turn the alarm off, i take shower, and then i read something written on wall, the handwriting is familiar, it seems mine. It asks me to grab my diary and go through it. I picked my bag and went to the class.
sometimes i cry with no reason, i call green red, i know its green. my doctor says i got hit by a truck while coming back from work. I asked him then why do i go to class everyday. He says because i have to learn how to count. This guy is 15 years younger to me and knows maths, physics and also knows how to write poems. I don’t even remember what did i eat in breakfast. I come back from class, i read instructions written in the diary and i go to the washroom and i take a piss. successfully and not in my trouser.
I turn on the tv but i don’t watch anything, i sleep.
I wakeup, I turn the alarm off, I take shower, i look at the wall, I grab my diary and I pick my bag and I go to the class. My doctor says i don’t remember anything, He says I met with an accident and had a serious head injury. I want to be the one who I was, I don’t know. I sleep while thinking the same.
I wakeup, I turn the alarm off, I take shower, i look at the wall, I grab my diary and I pick my bag and I go to the class, i dont see anyone there, I ask the guard, he says its Sunday. I come back, I read my old diary, It says I was in love with a girl, she got married. I eat my breakfast, I don’t know how to boil water, I learnt it yesterday but I did not write the instruction. I ask my doctor do I know anyone in this world. He says nobody claimed you. I ask him do you know this girl in my diary, he says NO.
I ask him to write my name on the wall so that i can remember. I open my instructions it says i have to go the church. I dont remember how to start my car but i know how to drive.
I come back, I sleep, I wake up, I turn the alarm off, I take shower. I look at people outside the window, hoping one would come and tell me who am I
Hey Surbhi….ur words ring true everytime I read what u’ve written…if only..
Thanx once again Tanmay..I guess if both my brilliant writer friends can say that to me…I’m willing to let go of that feeling..
S: you do have a blog right???you write well..
Thanks but, I don’t have a blog.